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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23854636">I had a dream</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/steerncheen/pseuds/steerncheen'>steerncheen</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Poldark (TV 2015), Poldark - All Media Types</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/M</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-04-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 21:34:00</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,011</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23854636</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/steerncheen/pseuds/steerncheen</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>"Can't you sleep?" Ross asks with a sleepy voice.<br/>"I had a dream." Demelza answers, being awake for quite a while now.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Demelza Carne/Ross Poldark</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>28</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>I had a dream</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This is the first ever fanfic I've written and it's the first time I wrote in English.<br/>I've also messed a bit with the timeline/ Julia's age, I hope you don't mind.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Can’t you sleep?“ Ross asks with a sleepy voice.<br/>"I had a dream.“ Demelza answers, being awake for quite a while now.<br/>"What was it about?“ he sounded more awake now.<br/>I got everything I wanted she thought. Even though she’s been awake for hours now, she still remembers every detail about it. How it felt, how happy and content she was. Something she hasn’t felt for a while now.</p>
<p>~</p>
<p>The past year has been rough. They lost almost everything they had. But was haunted them most was the loss of their daughter, precious Julia, who would have turned two years a few weeks ago.<br/>It all started with a cough and a fever, nothing too concerning they thought, just a cold. But it got worse, days in hospital followed because suddenly she could barely breath. Days full of worry and blame how a cold could turn into a pneumonia so quickly. But there was nothing to be done at the end. She died in her parent’s arms, too weak to fight the infection. </p>
<p>Two months after Julia’s death Ross’s business started to struggle. He had thrown himself into work, trying to get distracted and to save the venture but it took almost all of his money and left them with only their house and Demelza’s salary.</p>
<p>~</p>
<p>She remembers her dream vividly. A beautiful summer day, Ross and her having a picnic at the beach. She watches the calm sea, the deep blue water and the little boats at the horizon. Ross's sitting next to her. He seems content, something she's really missing to see in her husband. She hears Garrick bark in the distance. He decided to chase some sea gulls instead of bringing back the ball Ross threw moments ago. Ross tries to call him back but Garrick has too much fun to stop. She sees him standing up and then her gaze traveled to something next to her. A toddler sitting in the sand trying to build a little sand castle. She's completely in awe, watching the little boy for a few minutes. Then she sees Garrick running towards them, Ross a few meters behind him. The little boy's face lighting up as he sees Garrick but only until Garrick sees Demelza and rushing towards her, completely destroying the boy's little sand castle. He starts to cry and Ross, who's now right behind him, takes him into his arms. “Hush” he says calmly “No need to cry. Let’s build a new one.” He sits him back into the sand right beside him and starts to put some sand into the tiny bucket. That’s the last thing she remembers before the dream slowly started to fade.</p>
<p>"The two of us“ she says "Garrick besides us, hunting sea gulls. We were sitting at the beach, enjoying the sun, a perfect day really. And there was a child around… our child, building sand castles…“<br/>She stopped talking. Memories started flooding, memories about happier days when the mere thought about a child -their child- wasn’t as painful as it was these days.<br/>“Demelza-“ he starts as he sits up in bed. "Do you really wish for a child? Could you bear it? Opening your heart and may lose it again?“<br/>"I could“ she says simply while turning towards Ross, keeping her head down. Demelza’s unruly curls fell into her face and Ross reached out to brush them out of her face. <br/>"Don’t wish for it. Not in this uncertain times with barely enough money for us to live.“<br/>He’s right she thought but deep down in her heart she’s longing for it. A child of their own, a desperate wish she has since she found out she’s pregnant two days ago. <br/>"Yes, you’re right, we shouldn’t but…“ she says hesitantly, trying to push back the tears that are starting to form in her eyes. I hadn’t wished for it but it happened and there’s no way back now. <br/>“But?” he asks tentatively “There’s something you’re not telling me, isn’t it?” He touches her arm. <br/>“Yes” she finally admits. And it’s something you won’t be happy about. <br/>“Tell me” he says gently while caressing her arm. Demelza tries to speak but she can no longer hold back the tears in her eyes. Silent tears stream down her face as she answers quietly “I’m pregnant… and I know it’s a bad timing but there’s nothing we can do now, I’m sorry.” <br/>She remembers the last time she told him that she was pregnant. They were both happy and really looking forward for child of their own. But it’s different now and the rational part of her understands why. It’s rather selfish she thinks to long for something that makes you happy when there’s so much else to consider and to worry about. <br/>She expected Ross to be mad, at least a bit but all she sees is the expression of shock which quickly turned into a sad expression.<br/>“Indeed a bad timing” he eventually says “but it’s something we can’t change now.”<br/>He starts to dry the tears with his thumps while taking Demelza’s face in his hands. <br/>“I wish it would’ve happened at a more pleasant time but please don’t be sorry for it. It was as much my doing as it was yours. We knew what could’ve happen.” he adds.<br/>“You aren’t mad?” she asks cautiously, not knowing what to think about his reaction. <br/>“No, I’m not. I’m rather sad. I pity the child to be born into a family which has so less.” he responds. “It’s going to be hard but it’s not impossible.” he says with a short little smile on his lips and takes her into an embrace. <br/>“It’s not going to replace her but it may brings us joy again” she whispers into his shoulder, glad that she finally told him. Ross lies down, taking Demelza into his arms and stroking her arm absently. <br/>“How long did you know?” he eventually asks. “About two days.” she answers and closing her eyes before she falls into a light sleep.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I've borrowed some lyrics ("I had a dream/ I got everything I wanted") from "everything I wanted" by Billie Eilish (P) 2019 Darkroom/Interscope Records , Listen here: https://youtu.be/EgBJmlPo8Xw</p>
<p>Many thanks to Winston Graham and Debbie Horsfield for creating these characters so I could play with them.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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